who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
