I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
