He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
