I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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