hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
