I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
