If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
