I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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