I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
