No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
