you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
