Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
