She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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