your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
