I'd wear matching sweaters with you
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
