Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
