dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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