Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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