how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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