They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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