so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When are your genitals available?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
