I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
