She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think people are normalizing furries
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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