i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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