I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
