is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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