Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
