I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
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I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
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hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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