remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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