I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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