I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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