i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
