I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
