I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
