are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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