I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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