apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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