Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
