i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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