he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
