Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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