Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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