one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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