1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
