"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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