Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
