Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
