why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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