We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
