I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you made out with another girl for some wings
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
