I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There r osticjed everywhere
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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