I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
