The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize