Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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