I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
