i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I currently don't understand fingers.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
