I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
