My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
