he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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