Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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