Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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