there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
