So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
time to smoke my breakfast
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
