Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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