dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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