Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
