I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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