I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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