She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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