Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
