You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
