How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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