I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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