People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
