How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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