I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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