i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
